I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
