yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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