Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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