Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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