need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
