toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
