just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
