mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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