Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
