Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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