yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
