you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
