quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
