I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize