Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
