He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
