i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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