Don't you send me to vm
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
