I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
