I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
how drunk are you?
Several
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
