I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
