even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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