Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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