You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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