I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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