I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
