I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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