Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
