I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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