come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All the doctor said was why
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
