what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
