When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
