Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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