When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
