We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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