if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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