new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize