And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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