What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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