She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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