david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
