my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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