I'm so fucking centered right now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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