Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
