If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
