hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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