Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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