Already got asked if we're dating
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
