Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
