i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
