I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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