scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
