She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
