Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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