Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
