his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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