the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
