my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
