so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
