I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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