yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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