Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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