Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
