Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
