Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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