I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
