I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
