tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
