One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
