I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
