I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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