my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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