he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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