So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
