There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
