I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He better not be in your backpack
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
